No matter how well things are going between you and your future ex-husband it still sucks. I can’t imagine what it’s like for people who are having messy, hateful, emotionally draining divorces. This one, which is going amazingly well as far a divorce is concerned, is horrible enough, thank you very much.
I could care less if you are getting married, engaged, or having a baby. It’s too painful. The image I held for the past 8+ years for my future is gone, and coming to terms with that while hearing about someone else’s joyous occasion just adds fuel to the fire of grief.
If you ask me how I’m holding up my answer will always be “OK”; anything else is bound to set me into a fit of crying. So know when I say I’m OK that I’m not but I don’t want to talk about it at that moment. But it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the question, because I do.
People are going to take sides. I don’t want them to, but it’s bound to happen, and I understand that. I just hope that friends that were more Niels’ friend than mine still feel like they can text or email to see how I am (and vice versa). Because I don’t know your thoughts on it all, I need you to take the first step in contacting me. And if you’re going to take sides I hope you’ve the courage to let me know.
Don’t badmouth Niels to me, I will rip your head off. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and even though ours didn’t, I still care for him very, very much, and will always care for him. I won’t tolerate inappropriate comments. You don’t know everything, it is not your place to judge him or me.
I need your help to pull me out of potentially becoming a recluse. I’m an extrovert by nature, but this whole thing has caused me to begin hiding within myself. I have not been good about asking people to hang out because I worry about being a bother, so please if you think I may be interested in hanging out or going to a show, please ask, I can use a little outreach.
Supportive parents are a godsend. Growing up, my relationship with my parents was slightly complicated, as it is for most children, but I don’t think I could get through this without the unconditional love and support (as well as that of my siblings) that I’ve been receiving since this all went down. I would be in a much worse emotional state if it weren’t for them.
Karen, David and I have been thinking about you a lot lately. Between us we have three divorces in our past. So we can say with some authority, “It’s never easy. You never forget the person you thought you would spend your life with. And things do get better.”
Love, Barbara