Even though deep down in my being I know I made the right decision about Maya, I still have flashes of guilt and doubt about it all and I think I will carry this with me for a while.
I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. We may not like the reason, nor may we ever really understand why something has happened, but for what ever reason Creation has dictated that things unfold a certain way.
I know I had to put Maya to sleep, there was no other choice. I didn't want her to go through the pain & suffering of the surgery and the high chances of complications and recurrence of her condition. Yes, she would have been with me for potentially a few more years, but with what kind of quality of life? It would not have been fair to me to put her through it because *I* couldn't cope with her not being around.
And even though I was the one who signed the euthanasia paperwork, the decision was made for me by circumstances outside of my control.
But knowing all of this doesn't make it any easier.
I just hope that her path to her next journey is a smooth one.